you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
