I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
