This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
