I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
