Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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