Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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