a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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