Kiss
Puke
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
