fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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