You're my little dorito
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
