I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
