Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
