please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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