Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
