this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
