Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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