Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
