is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He passed out mid-signature
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
