he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
