nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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