So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
