Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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