I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
