oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
