you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
