Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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