Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
