then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
