I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
