i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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