She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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