dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
