dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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