im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
