New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
