mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
