There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
