Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
