Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
