Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
