sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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