I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
