Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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