eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
