a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
