do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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