I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
