Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
