Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
