R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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