did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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